he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
