if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need water and some morals
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
