I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
