I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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