I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
