I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
