girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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