Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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