if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
