Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
