i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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