oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
