Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
