I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
