as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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