I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
