we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
