We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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