i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
