Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
