I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
