that's an acceptable place to lick
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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