Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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