If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
