3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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