Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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