If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
