Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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