I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
