So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
