jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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