What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
