I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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