When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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