oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
