your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
