We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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