If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
