You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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