literally had 100 drinks last night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
