Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
