I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Less talking, more tequila
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
