drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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