Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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