My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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