It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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