Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
