i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
