Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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