Kareoke will never be a sober sport
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
